In the name of "friendship"

I received an e-mail from a friend of mine on January 25. We have been friends for about 19 years now. We met when we both worked at the same portrait studio. Our children were close in age and our husbands were both in the Army at the time our friendship developed. I have enjoyed this woman's friendship most of the time. I acknowledge that she is one of a very limited few to whom I feel I can share my secrets with. We have maintained our friendship through moves, through time, and through changes of fortunes.


In her e-mail of 1/25, she accused me of wanting the friendship to end, that I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain, that I haven't been available enough to her. This same theme has popped up now and again throughout my schooling. Each and every time it starts with "Have I done something wrong?" and ends with accusations of "It's a shame that with your new friends you don't have time for me any more, I feel as though you've put me on a shelf until you have no one else to turn to."


I wrote back in a moment of frustration and anger. I swear, through no fault of her own, these letters arrive at the worst possible time. When I am dealing with issues with my instructors, or my classes, or my frustration levels at clinicals. Nursing school is hard... at least for me it is.. it's about organization (which I seriously lack), it's about time management (which I seriously lack), and it's about a whole lot of studying (which I take seriously).

I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. I realized that I have been there for her everytime she has truly needed support. I have been the best friend to her that I could be. And when I need that understanding back... for just a few more months... she chose to make it about her instead. I'm done. I am so done.

I am one test away from being an RN!

Oh my! This semester flew by! All my doubts about wanting to be an RN are gone. This last semester allowed us to work as an RN with training wheels. We had full patient loads, we worked with amazing professionals and we had plenty of opportunities to practice our skills. I can't wait to get started in this new career.

In other family news, the whole family is moving somewhere, but we are not moving as a family. Kendra and her fiance Tyler are moving back to Enterprise to start new jobs and plan their wedding for summer 2013. Kimberly is moving from the house she shared with her siblings to her own apartment in Troy (where she is starting her junior year in Journalism). Mac is transferring to Auburn for the fall semester, having decided to major in aerospace engineering. Paul and I are moving to Huntsville. The fun part of this equation is the house the kids have been sharing has to be vacated by end of May and our moving dates (for my house) are in the first week of June. 

On the plus side, Tyler and Kendra have already found an apartment and they take the keys on May 25; Mac and Paul arranged an apartment for Mac in Auburn; we have our new address for Huntsville. The only one we still need to find housing for is Kim. And that adventure begins tomorrow.

I'm hoping to schedule my NCLEX exam for the end of June. This will give me plenty of time to review and solidify a lot of the concepts we've gone over for the last two years while helping everyone to move where they need to be. I have my temporary license, so I can start looking for positions in Huntsville as soon as we get up there!

Gearing up for the last semester

So this is it.. the last semester! This semester we are spending most of our clinical hours in the emergency room, the ICU's and in a preceptorship with a nurse at the hospital of our choice.

Lots of self motivating responsibility goes with this semester as we have to line up our extra hours on our own. Should work well for this procrastinator.. LOL.. well.. I have the contact numbers and it is my hope to call today and line up my 80 plus hours with my nurse.

We are scheduled to take 3 practice NCLEX exams over the course of this semester. Should be good and ready to sit the boards in June. :)

The only fly in this ointment is that I don't want to be in school right now. I am so closed to being burned out. I can't take a break.... we have orders to move in June, no chance to extend my schooling.

On the plus side, first test was yesterday and I made a 100%. Drug calculations... love them! Always my highest score each semester. :)

Conflicted

For the past 2 plus years, I have been working towards my RN degree. I made some pretty good friends early on and we have made the effort every semester to have the same class schedule, if not the same clinical groups, in order to make studying as a group easier. Not as many schedule conflicts if we're all at school at the same time.

Our group has been a great mix of ages and types of people and I feel as though we've really gelled into a fantastic group. We have always respected each others differences... some of us are married, some single, some drink or smoke, some don't, some adhere to strict religious rules, some don't.... but these things have never been an issue.. until now.

One member of our core group changed his class schedule to specifically move away from those of us he has always liked because in his words "If I'm with y'all all the time I'm gonna wanna drink and stuff."  Which.. was conveyed to all of us by text. Which we didn't receive until after worrying about him today since he didn't show up for class.

I understand that for some people it's easier to hold to a higher standard if you are not constantly put in temptation. But what I don't understand is why (since drinking alcohol and/or smoking is not something we do ALL the time) he couldn't bring up the subject and ask us to not include him in the few times we may decide to drink. Which... for the record was twice last semester... once at the end to celebrate the end.. and once after a particularly long and tough clinic. AND none of us ever drink more than one beer. No one forced him to partake...at least half the folks there don't drink.

Anyway... it just makes me sad.. and conflicted. I feel like because he can't keep himself responsible, we are all being punished. LOL.. or worse.. that somehow those of us he moved away from have been tried, judged, and found wanting.

Because of how the schedule works at school, we will not see him very often, if at all during this school semester since he has made this choice. And since it appears that he does not intend to socialize with us because of our bad influence.. . it feels like he has essentially cut all ties with us.

Yes, I'm whining. I don't like losing friends when I don't feel I've done anything wrong.