Sunday, May 20, 2012

In the name of "friendship"

I received an e-mail from a friend of mine on January 25. We have been friends for about 19 years now. We met when we both worked at the same portrait studio. Our children were close in age and our husbands were both in the Army at the time our friendship developed. I have enjoyed this woman's friendship most of the time. I acknowledge that she is one of a very limited few to whom I feel I can share my secrets with. We have maintained our friendship through moves, through time, and through changes of fortunes.

In her e-mail of 1/25, she accused me of wanting the friendship to end, that I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain, that I haven't been available enough to her. This same theme has popped up now and again throughout my schooling. Each and every time it starts with "Have I done something wrong?" and ends with accusations of "It's a shame that with your new friends you don't have time for me any more, I feel as though you've put me on a shelf until you have no one else to turn to."

I wrote back in a moment of frustration and anger. I swear, through no fault of her own, these letters arrive at the worst possible time. When I am dealing with issues with my instructors, or my classes, or my frustration levels at clinicals. Nursing school is hard... at least for me it is.. it's about organization (which I seriously lack), it's about time management (which I seriously lack), and it's about a whole lot of studying (which I take seriously).

I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. I realized that I have been there for her everytime she has truly needed support. I have been the best friend to her that I could be. And when I need that understanding back... for just a few more months... she chose to make it about her instead. I'm done. I am so done.


Ken Riches said...

It is a shame when friendships become one-sided, but sometimes that is OK. Over 19 years, people change, either there is understanding, or you move on. No Guilt!